The Waiting Game

I suppose the waiting game has begun.  I am exactly two weeks from The DUE DATE of Baby #6.  Will he be early?  Will he be late?  What should I be preparing for?  Will he be healthy?  All these questions and more continually run through my mind like a song being played over and over.  The fear of the unknown...again.  Always. 

I have  been really sick this past week with a throat and ear infection.  Ben had it the week before, it seems to have moved on to Maya now.  I am on day 8 of still not feeling well, tiredness, etc.  Please let this run through our family more quickly than this!  

As I get older, sometimes it seems as if my brain is actually going numb.  I don't seem to think about things so much, have so much of a drive to evaluate and  improve my actions, thoughts, and feelings about things.  I seem much more content to let things just be as they are and hope God is using it, good or bad. for His purpose and glory.  Is that justification and laziness or is that maturity and living in grace?  I'm not sure.

Ryan and I act like two old people sometimes.  Sitting out on the back porch, looking at the stars, and not speaking-- or speaking very little.  Lying in bed, sleeping, holding hands.  Right now I am in my rocker and he is propped back in his "Lazy Boy".  He's playing a video game on his phone and I am typing on the laptop.  I'm not complaining.  I am very content.  And he is too I think.   We often look at each other across the heads of our children at the dinner table and smile.  A shared secret joke.  He expects less and I expect less too.  And in the end, I think we have both ended up with much more.