the great adventure begins...
My heart has been heavy for several weeks to write to you about prayer. Specifically praying for your husband. What a joy and an honor it is to be able to pray specifically and intimately for him! What a difference it makes in your life and his! I don't really know where to start on this journey God has me on but I know once you catch the vision He has for you regarding this area, your life will never be the same!
I want to start by typing out some of my journal entries from the past few years. This is in no way intended to slander or hurt my husband in any way; my only intention is to touch some of you in places you may be hurting by sharing my heart-felt prayers and thoughts with you.
October 24, 2008 I will try to describe how I am FEELING...R and I have no oneness. My feelings get hurt easily and often, I see no outward tenderness, thoughtfulness, or expressions of love from R. I have said to him, "I will not leave you but we have no relationship. I have no feelings for you." I feel like he is detached. Worse than anything, I feel this separation, aloneness, etc. and I see it as all his fault. Obviously, it is not one person's fault and I KNOW that but I can't SEE my own sin in this relationship. I am asking God to shed light on areas I need to work on. I am asking Him to show me how to love R.
As you can see, I started out pretty selfishly. My only desire really, was to feel loved. I begged God to change R. Show him how to love me, show him how to encourage me, etc., etc. What God began to show me is that I had no idea how to love R! As I began to realize that I needed to learn a whole lot about laying down my life for my husband, God began teaching me what it looks like to love another person from HIS PERSPECTIVE!
Now, this sounds pretty corny, but the first book I read was "The Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. This book was instrumental in putting action to what God was teaching me. I had a verse in hand and I had an activity to "live out" love for R. The first lesson I had to learn was that love is patient. I could choose to control my emotions, my thoughts, my attitudes toward R. I could show kindness and love instead of returning an evil for an evil. Once I began renewing my mind with scripture and allowing God's word to penetrate my thoughts instead of my own evil, selfish ideas, I began to see God at work in me by leaps and bounds!
October 25, 2008 I want R to be able to count on having a patient, understanding, kind wife. Wasn't kindness one of the things that drew him to me in the first place? I can choose to be kind and say kind things to him even when I don't FEEL like being kind.
November 2008 I find that I am becoming more aware of how often I allow my mind to run away with me. Unfortunatly, my tongue quickly follows suit. I seem to dwell on all the things R is or isn't doing...of all the ways he is continually falling short (of my standards not God's). Lord, please show me how to practice self-control. Help me to quit taking things personally. Teach me to lead my thoughts instead of allowing my thoughts to continually lead me. Help me to hold my tongue and speak blessings instead of irritations. I ask You, O LORD, for Your holy perspective.
I think I will stop here for today. Take time to seek God's heart on this today.
I want to start by typing out some of my journal entries from the past few years. This is in no way intended to slander or hurt my husband in any way; my only intention is to touch some of you in places you may be hurting by sharing my heart-felt prayers and thoughts with you.
October 24, 2008 I will try to describe how I am FEELING...R and I have no oneness. My feelings get hurt easily and often, I see no outward tenderness, thoughtfulness, or expressions of love from R. I have said to him, "I will not leave you but we have no relationship. I have no feelings for you." I feel like he is detached. Worse than anything, I feel this separation, aloneness, etc. and I see it as all his fault. Obviously, it is not one person's fault and I KNOW that but I can't SEE my own sin in this relationship. I am asking God to shed light on areas I need to work on. I am asking Him to show me how to love R.
As you can see, I started out pretty selfishly. My only desire really, was to feel loved. I begged God to change R. Show him how to love me, show him how to encourage me, etc., etc. What God began to show me is that I had no idea how to love R! As I began to realize that I needed to learn a whole lot about laying down my life for my husband, God began teaching me what it looks like to love another person from HIS PERSPECTIVE!
Now, this sounds pretty corny, but the first book I read was "The Love Dare" by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. This book was instrumental in putting action to what God was teaching me. I had a verse in hand and I had an activity to "live out" love for R. The first lesson I had to learn was that love is patient. I could choose to control my emotions, my thoughts, my attitudes toward R. I could show kindness and love instead of returning an evil for an evil. Once I began renewing my mind with scripture and allowing God's word to penetrate my thoughts instead of my own evil, selfish ideas, I began to see God at work in me by leaps and bounds!
October 25, 2008 I want R to be able to count on having a patient, understanding, kind wife. Wasn't kindness one of the things that drew him to me in the first place? I can choose to be kind and say kind things to him even when I don't FEEL like being kind.
November 2008 I find that I am becoming more aware of how often I allow my mind to run away with me. Unfortunatly, my tongue quickly follows suit. I seem to dwell on all the things R is or isn't doing...of all the ways he is continually falling short (of my standards not God's). Lord, please show me how to practice self-control. Help me to quit taking things personally. Teach me to lead my thoughts instead of allowing my thoughts to continually lead me. Help me to hold my tongue and speak blessings instead of irritations. I ask You, O LORD, for Your holy perspective.
I think I will stop here for today. Take time to seek God's heart on this today.
Labels: marriage
posted by As For Me and My House | 9:18 AM
2 Comments:
Annette, I know this will bless and minister to other young wives. Thank you for your transparency! Isn't God's grace amazing??
Annette, you always have a precious way of being vulnerable and honest. Thanks for sharing truth and encouraging all of us. I look forward to hearing more on this topic. Thanks for always challenging me. Some time soon I am going to call you because sooooooooooo much is going on that we need to talk about! There are some big changes going on with us. I love you and miss you, as always.
Please be praying for me this weekend. God has possibly opened a door for some life-changing things. It is my prayer that if the answer is "Yes, walk through it," that I will obey and honor the LORD...and if it's "No, I was just stretching you and seeing if you would trust me," that I would be able to handle it with peace and acceptance.
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